There are a lot of versions of this
list to be found all over the internet. I have taken some of my favorites from
these lists and put them together here. I personally think they are all funny,
and that each of them contain a nugget of truth at their core. Some may read
them and be offended, sorry, it can’t be helped. Liberals are a peculiar bunch
and they tend to bring this mockery on themselves by their refusal to think and
speak logically. Maybe it’s more of an inability than a refusal. At any rate,
here’s the list, and I hope you enjoy it.
You might be a Liberal if:
You think IQ tests should be used to
stop the death penalty, but not to determine admission to AP classes.
You think the Ten Commandments in
schools will hurt the children, but “Heather Has Two Mommies” won’t.
You think African-American, Gay-Lesbian-Transgendered
and Women’s Studies prepare young people for good careers, but a biology major
is an outdated relic of white, misogynist domination.
You think math tests are racist, but
there is nothing racist about blacks being admitted over more qualified white
applicants.
You think spending 4 years - make
that 5 years - repeating your professor’s liberal slogans is a solid education,
but demanding that colleges present all view-points and actually teach the
subject is “anti-intellectualism.”
You think McCarthyism was wrong, but
black-listing “right-wingers” from ever teaching in college is just plain old
common sense. A right-winger is anyone who doesn’t toe the line on all issues.
You think education is about
“feeling,” not knowing. Logic is the product of white male supremacy in our
culture.
You vehemently hate some people not
because of who they are or what they say, but because of their political
beliefs.
You think meat is bad for you. So is
milk. But marijuana gets you ready for your finals.
You think AIDS is caused by poverty.
So is crime. And membership in the Republican party.
You march to raise awareness about
breast cancer, but believe it’s caused by sexism and infant mortality is caused
by racism.
You want to outlaw cigarettes and legalize
marijuana.
You think that mobs of black people
attacking, assaulting, and killing white people aren’t committing racist hate
crimes, because only white people are racist.
You think global cooling for 10
years proves that there is global warming.
You fly on private jets, but feel
free to tell others to use only one square of toilet paper to save the
environment.
You think that using less toilet
paper will be good for the air.
You think the best way to care about
a disease is to wear a ribbon. You also think you must prevent pharmaceutical
companies from making a profit.
You think people should be allowed
to euthanize themselves, but not to eat in McDonald’s.
You think career welfare recipients
are fat because they can’t afford food.
You preach to everyone that
diversity is our greatest strength, but you paid half a million dollars more
for a house in an all-white suburb than you could’ve for the same house in a
black neighborhood.
You see racist code-words in all
media except in hip-hop singles such as “Kill The White People”.
You wonder out loud, “Why can’t we
all just get along?”
You oppose all racial prejudice, but
think all whites are racist, consciously or not.
You think IQ tests are completely
invalid and there are no differences between people, except when an anonymous
blogger posts that all the Red States have a borderline retarded IQ and all the
Blue states are made up exclusively of intellectually gifted people. Then you
feel the need to send the blog post to everyone you know as conclusive proof
that voting for Democrats makes you smart.
You greet a black person with, “Yo
Bro!”
You think Indians created the United
States and Europe became great as a result of Islamic influences. On second
thought, Europe isn’t great.
You can’t believe you were so racist
as to say that there’s something great about Europe except their Social
Democrat parties.
You think Black dominance in
basketball is progress, but white dominance in swimming is an outrage.
You think illegal Mexicans are real
Americans, and that the descendants of our Founding Fathers aren’t.
You think racial profiling is wrong,
and that all serial killers are white and all Mexicans are hard-working family
men.
You think the U.S. wants to build a
wall on the Mexican and not Canadian border because of racism, not because 20
million Mexicans and almost no Canadians cross into the U.S. illegally.
You think there is no correlation
between Islamic immigration to Europe and increased anti-Semitic attacks
against European Jews.
You think prostitution empowers
women, but having a man open the door for you is degrading.
You get out of bed, look at your
naked body and at your wife’s, and then think: “gender is a social construct
that has no basis in science”.
On second thought, you got married
in Vermont and your wife’s name is Thomas.
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