On Being a Liberal: Day Two

Two days ago, I wrote about my decision to become a liberal. The benefits of espousing liberalism certainly are attractive, and I can now go into a Starbucks without feeling socially guilty or like I'm spending too much money on a cup of coffee.

Today, I've adjusted to my new found liberalism. Already, I feel morally superior to everyone I know. I've grown compassionate and wise, all from the comfort of my own living room. And, best of all, I can now fully embrace the teachings of our Beloved President Obama. (That's a great picture of him and Michelle, don't you think? I'm astonished by their collective charisma. How did I miss it before?)

I heartily welcome Obama's new stance on gay marriage, despite what others have said about his flip-flopping on the issue, from, say, two days ago. He's really shown his mettle on this one, evolving from his previous position on marriage. Whatever he said about marriage in the past, he now stands in solidarity with gays. I don't believe any of the rumors that he's changed his position on gay marriage just so he can hold election fundraisers in Los Angeles and New York City. He's standing on solid ground with this one. However, the Los Angeles Times is worried about Obama, thinking that his new stance on gay marriage is "risky." (Those editors over there are such tools. Cher was right to call them a bunch of Right Wing Racist Homophobic Women Hating Tea Bagger Masters who are pulling for Mitt Romney.) There's hardly anyone left in the US who doesn't believe in gay marriage, except for those bigots in North Carolina, who passed an amendment to define marriage between a man and a woman with 61% of the vote.

At any rate, I'm still secure in knowing that I'm on the right (er, left) side and will continue to fight strong for my rights (er, lefts) to government entitlements and to overthrow the US Constitution by legal fiat. After all, I'm more American than anyone else now.