Fairy Tales Can Come True, Well Maybe Not All of Them

Today is Columbus Day, the day we celebrate the discovery of North America by the Italian explorer, Christopher Columbus. It was on this very day in 1492 that Columbus sailed down the Hudson River and discovered North America. It was during this voyage down the Hudson that Columbus encountered the Nicnak andPaddywak Indian tribes, who greeted him with open arms and bundles of beaded necklaces, welcoming him to the New World. Columbus, however, did not share the peaceful enthusiasm of the good natured peaceful Natives, and upon seeing them in gathering on the shores of Lake Gitchegumee in the brightly colored dress, Columbus ordered his men to open fire upon the unsuspecting Natives. The poor Natives never stood a chance. As the .50 caliber machine guns unleashed their deadly missiles, row after row of Native men fell under the deadly fusillade. Soon, all the men of both villages, as well as every surrounding village within a 25 mile radius had been mercilessly slain. As the women and children openly wept for their men, Columbus and his men landed on the shore in their longboats and began a campaign of raping and pillaging that has continued unabated to this day!

Well, now that was fun! Writing fiction I mean. I figured that since today was Columbus Day, and Native American terrorist activist organizations such as AIM (the American Indian Movement) have been protesting Columbus Day all weekend long across the land by spouting their fictional rhetoric concerning Columbus, I thought I would join in the fun. Or maybe I should have simply posted a brief and basic history lesson instead. Dear AIM: Columbus didn’t discover America. In fact, he never once set foot anywhere on North America. In fact, in 1492 he made it to what is now Cuba, Haiti, and some of the Bahamas. That’s it. Sorry to burst your bubble. 

But hey, don’t let facts stop you. Remember, truth is a subjective thing to the liberal mind, so I think you’re okay with your fairy tales, and you know what they say, if you can’t find something to protest, just make something up. Sort of like the Occupy Wall Street folks and others of their ilk around the country these days. See? You’re not the only ones! So cheer up Bucky, liberals, socialists, and communists (sorry for being redundant) across the land are standing alongside you in spirit, in word, and in a haze of marijuana smoke. 

I will leave you now, AIM, with these stirring words of your fellow communist agitator activist, Van Jones, who so epitomizes your plight and your struggle: 

“We’re here to give everything from the people from whom you stole everything.”