Mail Call for September 15, 2011

Mail’s in!

Dear America: English lesson. “Moo-Cow”. Noun. Female of domestic cattle. Just so ya know. (Source)

Dear Jesse Jackson: I assume you and Rev. Al will be looking into this? What’s that? Probably not? How about if they were white? (Source)

 
Dear Mammy: If they were as bad as you say they are, don’t you think you’d be dead by now? (Source)

Dear State of Illinois: “Send in the clowns. Send in the clowns. Don’t bother, they’re here.” (Source)

Dear Elderly Americans: Bwaaahahahahahahah! Sucker! Much love, Rep. Jim Cooper  (Source)

From: Cecilia Munoz, White House Director of Intergovernmental Affairs

To: Mis Hermanos Mexicanos

Mis hermanos mexicanos, vienen a América. La costa está clara. ¡Prisa!

(Source)

Dear President Obama: The poll numbers have just come in and you are still immensely popular … in Europe, (and among Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Hamas, Hezbollah, and MSNBC. Sorry for the redundancy). (Source)

Dear AlGore: Looks like you’ve lost another one.  (Source)

Dear Ewa Beach Elementary School Vice Principal: You wuss! (Source)

Dear Fellow Conservative Bloggers: As you have no doubt heard [OBAMA IS KILLING AMERICA], Barack Obama [LOVES TERRORISTS] has recently launched a [MERCILESS ATTACK ON THE MIDDLE CLASS] new website called “Attack Watch.” Obama [IS A COMMIE] will be [AND A MUSLIM!] utilizing this new website to monitor those [WHO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LYING SCUMBAG!] whom they claim are lying about the President [THAT HATE’S AMERICA AND LOVES TERRORISTS!], and engaging in what Obama [IS GIVING OUR COUNTRY AWAY TO ILLEGALS!] says are blatant smear tactics [AND THE MUSLIMS!]. So please [DON’T STOP TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM] conduct yourselves accordingly, and in a thoughtful and respectful manner. Thank you.

This public service announcement contains no subliminal messages.

(Source)

Mail Call for September 13, 2011

This was supposed to be for yesterday, but hey, you know how it goes sometimes!

Dear President Obama: How nice of you to give your blessing to the Taliban to open up political offices in Qatar. (Source). I see that your little buddy’s have responded by attacking our embassy in Afghanistan. How nice. I assume this is all part of your “job’s plan,” but we all thought you meant you were giving jobs to Americans, not helping a terrorist organization to expand its operations. (Source). Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, well … see ya at the polls.

P.S.: So why is it necessary for the Taliban to receive your blessing anyway?

Dear Mayor Bloomberg: Glad to see that cultural diversity training isn’t going to waste. (Source)

Dear Aviation Institute Of Maintenance of Northeast Philadelphia: My, my, my, aren’t we the understanding type! Welcome to the Anthony Weiner Fan Club. Your official membership card and t-shirt will be arriving soon. (Source)

Dear Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Just wanted to let you know that this is not a “unilateral humanitarian gesture” nor is it a “unilateral pardon.” This is what is commonly known as kidnapping and extortion. Just so ya know. By the way, you do realize that you are the son of a cur dog, because, well, you are you crazy megalomaniacal whack job. (Source)

Dear Rep. John Mica: I would like to recommend Blackwater, DynCorp, or Beni Tal as acceptable alternatives. They not only have the experience, but actually do understand what to look for, as opposed to, say, the TSA. (Source)

Dear Columbia University: I do not believe any cultural exchange program should include terrorists. Just so you know. Unless of course, you are hoping your students will be kidnapped and held for ransom. (Source)

Dear MSNBC: Thank you so much for extending the helping hand of understanding, and employing the mentally challenged, the criminally deranged, as well as certifiable whackadoodles. I expect we will soon see Muammar Gaddafi and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hosting political commentary programs right alongside Ed Schultz, Rachael Maddow, Chrissy Matthews, Dylan Ratigan, Al Sharpton and other asylum escapee’s right alongside your token terrorist lover, Touré. (Source)

Dear Ann Curry: Nice hijab! Does he get to beat you as well? Are you part of his harem now? Or is this just another MSM “pandering to terrorists” piece? Just asking. (Source)

Dear Eric Holder: Business as usual I see. I assume this was a joint effort between yourself, Barry Obama, and Janet Napolitano since you apparently have not been able to stop the gunwalker investigation. By choosing this tactic, I can only assume that Issa and Grassley are actually close to nailing you. (Source)

Dear American Journal of Preventive Medicine: “Oh! What big eyes you have!” “The better to see you with my dear!” “What big ears you have!” “The better to hear you with my dear!” “And what big hands you have!” “The better to grab you with my dear!!!”  (Source)